Never Enough
by Leah6
Summary: Hermione tried to get Harry to notice her for twelve years, but it's never worked. Both Harry and Hermione are dating other people, but will it remain that way? Is she fed up, or will she keep trying and continue to follow her heart? Drama HHr
1. Prologue

_A/N: Hi guys! This idea got into my head and I knew if I did not write it, the little evil plot-bunnies would eat me alive. For any of you who might be wondering, I have not given up on Invisible Hero. The third chapter has been increasingly difficult to write. Curse writer's block! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story. It is sort of written out of personal experience. Please read and review!_

_Disclaimer: Yes, I am J.K. Rowling. Instead of writing the sixth book, I am writing fanfiction for fanfiction.net. I own everything you see here. For dense people who do not understand sarcasm… I pity you._

~*~

Never Enough: Prologue

Have you ever had the feeling that nothing you did was ever good enough? No matter how hard you tried, nothing ever worked? You made so many changes and no one ever noticed? I know that feeling well; it's something I've experienced my whole life.

Ever since I started school, I felt like I was left in the shadows; trapped in my own little dark corner, left alone with my foreboding thoughts. And every time I secluded myself, I was harshly reminded that nothing I did was ever good enough for anyone. I did everything in my power to make people notice me. After a while, I came to the sickening conclusion that no one cared. And shortly after, I began to believe it.

The only thing people knew me for was my grades. 

My grades were what I was known for, the only thing I was known for. In their eyes, I was just the brainy, bushy-haired, know-it-all… Hermione Granger. I was always the first one to shoot my hand in the air to answer a question, and always the last one to put it down. I was constantly teased and picked on for that certain trait of mine, too. 

But I didn't care…

Back then, I never felt the need to impress anyone. I studied hard to get good grades, but it was always for me, no one else. After all, there was no one to show off for. But I don't think showing off how smart you are would attract a person to you. But what do I know?

I never had any friends until I was eleven. When I went to Muggle School, everyone ignored me. I was left alone, thinking that I was hated and un-loved. And you have no idea what that does to a person. 

Gradually you begin to sink lower and lower, until no one can see you. A wall builds up around you, that not even the strongest weapon can destroy. You know you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. And as time passes, your heart turns black and cold, not letting anyone or anything pierce it; not even your parents. You are not the person you were before. You are now a shell of the person you once were, and nothing can break that shell… except for the one thing that created it, the one thing you have never experienced.

Love from a friend.

Love is an amazing thing. It comes in all different types, and yet… I never had any of it except for love from my parents. And I came to find out that it wasn't enough. 

It makes my insides boil to know that if one person, just one person had cared enough about me to become my friend or at least get to know me, I would never have had to endure any of this. I don't think it is fair. How hard can it be to introduce yourself to someone? Maybe you will come to find that the person is not bad at all, and you may become great friends. I do not understand why that concept is so hard to grasp.

I tried… heavens know I tried. So many times I had sauntered up to someone, maybe a class mate, and introduced myself. Every time I was rejected in the cruelest of ways. I was spat on, laughed at, made fun of; the list goes on and on. And every day I would come home, bawling my eyes out. 

What is wrong with me?

What is so bad about me that they won't even give me a chance? It puzzles me to know end how kids can be so mean. It makes me wonder if they were raised up that way, to treat others like useless trash. But it always seemed I was the only one to get picked on. Everyone else had friends or someone to play with. Why didn't I?

But like I said before, when I turned eleven, everything changed. 

I received startling but amazing news that I was a witch. I never knew witches and wizards were real until I received my Hogwarts letter. I thought they were just some fairytale, made-up creatures in story books. But I was wrong… very wrong.

My parents were hesitant about letting me go. They didn't like the idea of their "only baby-girl" living so far away for such a long time. But after a lot of begging, pleading, and crying on my part, they gave in.

I have to admit I was a little scared about going at first. But I knew that anywhere had to be better than the hell-hole I was living in now. So on September 1st, my parents dropped me off at Kings Crossing Station, where I would begin a whole new chapter of my life… but I didn't know that yet.

~Flashback~

_I walked through the invisible barrier to platform 9 ¾. I was breath-taken when I saw the beautiful scarlet train before me; The Hogwarts Express. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Thank Merlin I wasn't. I looked around at all the other kids, saying their farewells to their parents. I gave my mum and dad a quick peck on the cheek, and pushed my trolley towards the train._

_After my luggage was all stored away, a boy my age came up to me asking if he had seen a toad. I said no, but agreed to help him look for it. We boarded the train and before I knew it, I heard the train whistle blow and we began to move. _

_We poked our head into every compartment, searching for "Trevor" as he called the thing. After about thirty compartments, we came to the last one._

~End Flashback~

Obviously, you all know that's when I met Harry and Ron. Before I met them, I was ignored. Everyone steered clear of me like I had some sort of a disease. But it didn't bug me then. I threw myself into my studies because that's all that mattered to me. I had no one to talk to, no one to spend time with on weekends, and I never had a shoulder to cry on when times got rough. 

But this life I had lived for eleven years came crashing down when I walked into that one compartment on the Hogwarts Express for the very first time.

~Continue Flashback~

_I had claimed to be looking for Trevor. In actuality, I really was, but when I came to that last compartment, all thoughts about the stupid toad fled my mind. I had not seen Harry Potter yet, so I knew he was in there. _

_I had read all about him of course. I knew he had caused the downfall of the Dark Lord when he was just a baby. I knew he had been the first person to survive the evil killing curse, Avada Kedavra. I knew he had that infamous lightning bolt scar on his forehead and what caused it. To tell you the truth, I think I knew everything about him that was possible to know; at least about his history anyway._

_I half expected him to be rude and arrogant, full of himself you might say. Boy was I in for the surprise of a life-time._

~End Flashback~

I never expected to become friends with him or Ron. Never in my life would I have guessed I would come to share everything with them and have them share everything with me. I never would have thought I would go to Hogwarts and have friends, namely with Harry Potter being one of them. But ever since it happened, my life has taken a different path, and a much better one at that.

My life finally had meaning. I had two great friends who would go to any lengths for me in a heart beat. I had someone to talk to, share my thoughts with; someone who would actually listen and care about what I had to say. I can't express to them just how much their friendship meant to me. It saved me from a place I never thought I could return from; a place I had been my whole life.

Needless to say, I had dug myself another hole when I became friends with them, a hole much deeper than my previous one. And this hole could only be filled by one person. There was nothing anyone could do, except that one person. And that person meant more to me than life itself.

He was the first person to acknowledge my existence. He gave me a chance before he had even gotten to know me. When the others made fun of me, he didn't join in with them. He listened when I talked and actually cared for my well-being even when we were not friends.

If you haven't guessed it by now, let me clue you in. This person was my best friend whom I constantly worried about. Every time he was put in a dangerous situation, which was quite often mind you, I would pull my hair out worrying about him. Whenever he had a Quidditch match, I would always be there, making sure he didn't get hurt; all the while biting my nails and hiding behind my hands. Whenever he needed help with homework, I would help him, or let him copy mine. 

To put it simply, I would do anything for him; even die for him, just as I know he would do for me.

For you stragglers out there, the person I am talking about is none other than Harry Potter himself. Whatever thoughts I had about him before I came to Hogwarts were washed clean when I strutted into that blessed compartment.

~Continue Flashback~

_Their conversation abruptly stopped and their eyes fell on me. I saw that the red-head had been doing magic, so I egged him to continue, because I was quite curious myself. Not to my surprise, his spell to turn his poor rat yellow failed._

_After that, I introduced myself. Harry Potter was very polite and nice to me. He actually listened and looked me in the eye when I spoke. So, you could say that from the very moment I met him, I knew he would change my life._

_Ronald Weasley on the other hand, rolled his eyes at me, and passed Harry a look of disdain; an annoyed look written clearly on his face. I figured it was time to shut up and high-tail it out of there. _

_I don't believe they had a very good first impression of me. I knew right off the bat they were thinking how bossy and annoying I was; and for the first time, it bothered me._

~End of flashback~

I guess I fell in love with Harry from the very beginning. I don't know how or why it happened, but there was something about him that drew me to him; his kindness, his personality, everything. 

As the years passed I fell in love with every little thing about him; the way his hair never lies straight, the way he still wears his glasses even though he can wear contacts, how he has to hold himself responsible for every bloody thing that happens.

I knew that I hadn't made the greatest impression on him that first day, but he came to love me as his best friend anyway.

So I try not to dwell too much on that day. What is in the past doesn't matter anymore. What matters is today and what I am feeling now…at least that's what I keep telling myself. And what I'm feeling now is stronger then it has ever been before. I know that no matter what I do, Harry Potter will never see me as anything more  than just his best friend, who just so happens to be a girl. 

Nothing I do seems to catch his attention, no matter how extravagant the change is. I gave up all I had for one man, and I never want to go through such pain again. Once was enough to completely crush my heart, and I know nothing will ever heal it. The one thing that can, I gave up on because it just wasn't worth it anymore. I suffered through so much and still came up empty-handed. It left such an impact on me that not even time can heal.

So right now, I'm left alone once again to dwell on my thoughts and past mistakes, even though I commanded myself not to. My mind is telling me to stop, give up, and forget him, but my heart is not listening. 

My heart is telling me that there is still hope, it's not over yet, don't give up, and keep trying! I've tried for twelve long years and all of it has been in vain. I've tried my hardest to keep my mind in control, but my heart won't hear of it. 

The heart thinks and does what it wants, and if it wants control, it will take control.

Someday, I hope to get over him and move on. I will try to settle for the next best thing, but I know that it won't be enough. In my heart, I know that nobody can fill that missing piece except him.

~*~

_A/N: So, what did you think? This was originally going to be another one-shot fic, but I thought I owed it to you and myself to write a chapter story for once. So please drop a review and tell me what you think. Thanks!_

_~Leah_


	2. Ordinary Day

_Author's note: I don't think I've ever updated so quickly! I know, that's pretty bad isn't it? Oh well! Anyway, I was just watching American Idol and I love George! Yes, that was really random, but I had to say it. The important anyway, here is Chapter Two of Never Enough. Please read and review!_

Chapter Two

_Ordinary Day_

"J_ust a day, just an ordinary day_

_Just tryin' to get by_

_Just a boy, just an ordinary boy but,_

_He was looking to the sky"_

_("Ordinary Day", Vanessa Carlton)_

It had been five years. Five long years since Harry, Ron, and I graduated from Hogwarts. To this day, I still find it hard to believe we've come this far. Don't get me wrong; I absolutely adore coming home from work and being able to relax and be at peace. It just took a while getting used to, because it was something all of us hardly ever experienced.

I now worked at the Ministry of Magic, in Arthur Weasley's department to be exact; The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department. I loved it, too! I guess growing up as a Muggle drew me towards the job, and maybe Arthur's constant nagging had something to do with it as well. But nonetheless, I'm glad I applied for the job.

Harry, as well, now works in the Ministry of Magic, but in the Department of Magical Games and Sports. After graduation, he served as an Auror, but after the defeat of Voldemort, he quit. And I can't quite say that I blame him, either. He felt he owed it to the world to fight evil. But now that Voldemort is dead, he couldn't do it anymore. He was the most powerful wizard in the world, but being an Auror was not what he wanted to do with his life. At least now he could do something he loved doing, and even though it wasn't Quidditch, I knew he wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.

Ron, on the other hand, decided to continue his "profession," as he called it, in Quidditch. Though I can hardly see how you can call such a dangerous sport a profession. He currently plays for the Wimbourne Wasps as Reserve Keeper, as he was unable to get Keeper position with the Cannons. He was happy with his life, so even though I didn't quite agree with his decision, I was happy for him as well.

All in all, life was good. I had no right to complain. I shared a flat with my two favorite people in the world, I had a great job which I loved, and I had a wonderful boyfriend. No, I know what you are thinking. It's not Harry. His name is Brian, and I care for him deeply.

I'm still not over Harry. I will never completely move on from him. My love for continues to grow each day, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I would rather live a life without the man I love in it and be partially happy, then be without the man I love and sit alone all day, unhappy.

I will be completely honest with you. I feel guilty about my relationship with Brian. Every time we kiss or hug, I find myself wishing it was Harry I was kissing, and that it was Harry who was in my arms. But I won't let Brian go. He loves me. He gave me a chance when Harry didn't. And I… love him. If there is any chance of me moving on, it's him.

Harry was dating someone as well, much to my dismay. Cho Chang to be exact. But I couldn't say anything. I was dating someone so I could not get mad at him. It's not his fault.

I didn't think it was possible though, to hate someone as much as I hate her. I absolutely loathed the woman, but she was everything I wasn't. She was beautiful, funny, and smart. Sure, I was smart too, but that obviously doesn't amount to much in Harry's book.

The thing that made me cringe was that she hated me just as much, or even more than I hated her. But Harry was completely oblivious to our little competition. Somehow, she knew I was in love with Harry. She was jealous of me being so close to him though, so every time they were together, she would purposely do something to get a rise out of me; to let me know that he was hers and there was nothing I could do about it. She took it upon herself to make my life a living hell because of it. Harry was too caught up in her to notice though. He thought I was happy for him and his "new-found relationship."

_Oh, the poor misguided fellow._

And then, there was Ron, with his usual fling of the week. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He would go drinking every night, and then come back home with a different girl. He would have his "night of fun," which he referred to them as, and then he would never see that woman again. He didn't want to settle down and have a serious relationship yet.

Nope, life just wouldn't be the same without the two of them. Even though not everything is going my way as of now, I have to thank Merlin everyday for how lucky I am.

~*~

It was just another ordinary day. I was sprawled out on the carpeted floor in the living room of our flat, working on a report for the Ministry. I was nearing the halfway point when a loud bang resounded from outside the front door. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly reached for my wand in my robes' pocket.

"Damn it. Stupid door!" 

I immediately lowered my wand and burst into a fit of giggles. A very frustrated Ron walked through the door.

"Blasted door, I swear one day- yes, ha-ha, very funny, Hermione," he continued as he took off his muddy Quidditch robes and threw them on the floor.

I gave a grunt of dissatisfaction and pushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Honestly, Ron! How can you live like that?" I gestured to the carelessly discarded clothes.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and headed to the kitchen. "What's got your knickers in a bunch? That time of the month already? Damn…"

My insides began to boil as I fought the urge to slap him senseless. _You best shut up now, Ronnie dearest._

"Can't a woman be in a bad mood with it not being 'that time of the month'?" 

"You tell me," Ron said nonchalantly, grabbing a soda out of the refrigerator and taking a big gulp.

"You're unbelievable sometimes, Ron!" I yelled, getting up off the floor and walking to where he was standing. "Why… don't… you… grow… up!" I waved my index finger at him threateningly, gathered my papers off the floor, and stalked off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

"Man, I've definitely got to write that in my calendar. I guess bleeding continuously for a week does that to a person." He gave an involuntary shudder at the thought and grabbed another soda, plopping down onto the couch.

~*~

After a much-needed sleep, I slowly sat up in my bed and rubbed at my eyes. The alarm clock read 7:45.

_Harry's home_ were my first thoughts. 

I slid out of bed and quietly slipped out of my bedroom door. I silently tiptoed down the hall and immediately heard two very familiar voices.

"What did you do to her now, Ron?" came Harry's deep voice.

_Merlin, I love his voice!_

"Honestly, Harry! I have no bloody idea. I came home and stubbed my damn toe on that ruddy door. I went into the kitchen like I normally do and grabbed a soda. She just blew up at me!"

_Typical Ron, clueless as always. Maybe I was too hard on him…_

"You didn't make a comment about her 'time of the month' did you?"

_Sweet, caring Harry. He cares about me so much, just not the way I want him to._

"Shit, that's it! Damn it, I'm an idiot!" Ron breathed, running a hand through his ever red hair.

"Best go apologize, then," Harry finished.

"I guess you're right," Ron agreed, getting up to go get her.

"Don't bother, I will. I don't think she will be on the best of terms with you when she first gets up," Harry offered.

"Thanks, Harry," Ron said sarcastically.

_Damn…_

I quickly slipped back inside my room and jumped on my bed just in time for Harry to walk in. Immature I know, but I can't help myself.

I felt the bed sink slightly under Harry's weight and then a hand gently shaking me "awake."

"Wha- I muttered, turning over on my side so I was not facing him. I was finding it hard to suppress a smile.

"Hermione, wake up," came his soothing voice. I couldn't help it; a smile came over my face.

"Harry? What time is it?"

"8:00 Herm. You've been sleeping forever."

"Fine, fine, I'm awake." I sat up and turned towards him. Neither of us said a word.

"I um… Ron wants to have a word with you," Harry said quietly, his gaze never leaving my face.

"Harry… are you okay? I asked him, uncertainly.

_Why was he staring at me like that?_

He seemed to awaken from his trance and answered, "Yes, I'm fine. I will, uh, just be leaving now." He kissed me gently on the forehead and walked silently out of the room.

After he left, a goofy smile came over me.

_I'm gonna have to do this more often._

~*~

The rest of the evening went as it usually does. Harry was no longer acting weird. He was still his same, usual self.

_Just how I like him._

But I couldn't help but wonder about his odd behavior. He acted like nothing happened at all. Maybe it didn't, maybe that's just my wishful thinking. But it wasn't a normal happening. He hardly ever acts that serious and… shy. Maybe shy wasn't the word for it. Nervous, maybe? Doubtful. He's never looked at me like that before, though. His eyes held something different that I had never seen. They were more intense than I had ever seen them. They were such a strong shade of emerald green. I saw compassion, sorrow, and love all at the same time. 

_God, why do men have to be so confusing? But I've got to stop thinking about him, or I'm going to fall in love with him even more. Brian, Hermione… Brian._

After I "woke up," I apologized to Ron. I really shouldn't have blown up at him like that. I explained to him that it had just been a hectic day. He gave me a hug and told me not to worry about it. It's times like that where you just can't help but love him. Sometimes, he can be the biggest git in the world. But other times, like today, he is really sweet and understanding.

After that, nothing eventful happened… for the most part. The three of us plopped down on the couch together and watched movies, while Ron helped himself to a whole carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Harry kept complaining about how corny the movie was, while I laughed at the two of them. The phone rang, but none of us made a move to answer it.

"Don't all of you jump up at once," Ron said sarcastically.

"Wasn't planning on it mate, thanks," Harry replied jokingly.

"Thanks Ron, you're a pal," I added.

Harry and I laughed while Ron let out a huff, set down the now empty ice cream carton, and got up to answer the phone.

Usually wizards and witches don't have telephones in their homes, but I insisted on having one in the flat. "A little Muggle will do us some good," I had said.

Harry draped his arm around me casually and pulled me closer to him. I snuggled up against him, perfectly content. This was usual for him and me. He always had his ways of showing he cared for me, and this was just one of his many. He knew I wouldn't take it the wrong way. For some reason, he thinks I would never consider him romantically. Harry can be so dense at times, but I love him anyway.

"We haven't had much time to talk, lately," he began.

"I know," I replied looking up at him. "Are you sure you're okay, Harry? You were acting strange earlier." He seemed to stiffen a bit at this comment.

"Oh, that. I- I was just distracted. I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, you know, with work and Cho and everything." He ran a hand through his unruly mop of hair.

I raised my eyebrows questioningly at him, and then nodded my head in understanding. "So, how are things going with you and her?"

_Why did I bring her up? Stupid, stupid-_

"Fine," he paused for a second. "I, I think I'm in love with her, Hermione. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"Oh. Well… have you told her that?" I said shakily. I tore my eyes away from his and started playing with my finger nails, acting uninterested.

Harry shot me an odd look before he spoke again. "No, but I plan on it soon. I think she may be the one, Hermione. Even though we've been through a lot, I really think she is."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad things are going good for you, Harry," I lied. "Lord knows you deserve some happiness." I tried desperately to keep the tears from falling. _But I want to be the one to give it to you._

I slipped out of his arms and immediately missed the warmth I had left.

"Are you okay, 'Mione?" he asked me, eyes full of concern.

"Don't call me that," I said in a deadly whisper. "Please, don't call me that." 

Before he could say another word, Ron walked back into the living room. "Harry," he began. "That was Cho. She said that since tomorrow was Saturday, the four of us should go somewhere together."

"Thanks, Ron," Harry replied, sending me a glance.

I shook my head in a pathetic manner and raced to the safety of my bedroom. All the while, closely followed by the confused gazes of my best friends.

_Great, just great._

  


	3. Goodbye To You

_A/N: I apologize for the extreme delay in this chapter. I guess I don't have a very decent excuse, so I will just say… things have been pretty tough for me. I guess the title of this story relates more to me than it had when I first posted it. sigh Anyways, the chapter is finally here, and from now on, I will try my hardest to get more out even if they do happen to be shorter._

Chapter Three

_Goodbye To You_

_"Goodbye to you__Goodbye to everything I thought I knew__You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to"_

_("Goodbye to you", Michelle Branch)_

Saturday rolled around much quicker than I would have liked. Harry called Cho back the following morning and made arrangements to have dinner at this fancy restaurant in Hogsmeade. Then we would apparate back to Wizarding London and visit this new night club that had just opened recently. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but Brian was coming along. It couldn't be that bad… could it?

All Saturday afternoon, I avoided Harry like the plague. He made many attempts to try to talk to me of course, but I just couldn't. I wasn't ready to tell him why I reacted as I did. I wasn't ready to hear his sympathy and how he only saw me as his best friend. I just don't understand how he hasn't figured out that my feelings toward him are more than just friendly and have been that way for quite some time now. But he does have a reputation for being daft.

It was now 5:30 on Saturday. We would be apparating to the restaurant at 7:30. I quickly showered and applied my makeup. Not too much, just mascara, light eye shadow, and light pink lip gloss. I said a spell to dry my hair and then pulled it into a French twist, with a few tendrils of hair coming down to frame my face.

Finally, I went over to my wardrobe and took out my dress. It was a black spaghetti strap dress that went a little below the knees so that my tan, slender legs were exposed. I then slipped on a pair of black high heels and headed over to my full-length mirror.

"Wonder what Harry will think?" I said out loud.

"Harry… will think nothing of it," came a voice I knew and despised so well.

"Cho, what are you doing in my room?" I asked coolly.

"You were wasting our time, so they sent me back to check on you. We were obviously waiting on nothing," she replied sending a gesture my way.

"I don't remember asking your opinion," I spat back.

"Neither do I, and as seeing that I don't really care I think it would be better for you just to say absolutely nothing at all."

"I'm not going to let you intimidate me Cho. I don't really give a damn what you think, or what you feel. So as it now looks as you're wasting our precious time, how about we-

"Everything all right in here?"

Harry had entered the room and was looking back and forth between both women. Immediately Cho ran to his side, possessively clutching his arm.

"Of course everything is okay. Why wouldn't it be, silly? I was just commenting Hermione on how wonderful she looks tonight," Cho replied sweetly.

Hermione stole a glare at Cho who grinned smugly in response.

"Are we ready then?" Harry asked unconvincingly.

"Yes," I said, causing Harry to turn his attention toward me.

I guess it was the first time he had fully acknowledged my presence, because his jaw dropped immensely. I had been waiting to see Harry's reaction, and I must say I was quite pleased. The last time he had seen me in a dress had been at the end of year ball during our 7th year at Hogwarts. But even then, it was more a robe than it was a dress.

Harry recovered after a few seconds and said, "All right then. Ron and Brian are waiting." Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard a laugh coming from outside the door.

Before walking out the door, I sent Cho an evil grin which she returned full force. I didn't think the night would be a competition, but I must admit I'm having fun already.

"Finally," came Ron's voice when he saw the three of us making our way down the hall. "I'm starved."

"When are you not, Ron?" I replied teasingly. Ron stared at me, unblinking for a few seconds. I smiled and walked over to Brian, giving him a quick kiss.

"You look beautiful, 'Mione," Brian whispered in my ear, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I flirted back, basking in my new found glory.

"You do look great, Herm," Harry whispered. I nodded my head and then turned toward Ron.

"Where's Veronica?" I questioned, referring to his date for the night.

"Oh, she's meeting us at the restaurant," Ron replied.

I gave a small "oh" and walked out of the flat and began walking down the street to the apparition point that would take us to Hogsmeade. I stole a glance at Harry and Cho. Already, Cho had her hand secured tightly in his. I found that I couldn't tear my gaze away from their entwined hands. Cho finally noticed my staring and gave me a smug grin. I quickly turned away before I made an even bigger fool of myself.

Dinner went quite well; accept for the occasional "displays of affection" Harry and Cho were sharing. I was on a mission to not let my damn feelings get the best of me, so I copied their actions. Brian and I mimicked their every move. Brian was surprised at first, but he soon got over it.

Cho, on the other hand, knew what I had up my sleeve. So in reply, she took things a little far. That's where I drew the line. I was not going to stoop that low. She shot me a victorious look and continued on with her…escapade.

Really, I'm surprised she hasn't told Harry how I feel about him. But knowing him he would probably laugh it off and not believe her. Or… maybe she is afraid. Maybe she's afraid he might, for some reason, love me back. Oh, stop with the daydreaming, Hermione. You know that's not true. Stop getting our hopes up; it only makes reality come crashing down harder.

Finally, we arrived at the club. To say it was crowded was an understatement. The bar was packed full of people, and so was the dance floor. Ron and Veronica paid no heed. He immediately whisked her off to the floor and they began dancing.

"Care to join them, Hermione?" Brian whispered in my ear.

I really ought to give more credit to Brian. He really cares about me and my feelings. He doesn't even call me 'Mione… most of the time. Yes, I was lucky to have someone like him.

"Can we get a drink first?" I asked him innocently.

"Coming right up, love," he replied and set of to buy the drinks.

Knowing he would be a few minutes, I took a seat at an unoccupied table. Unlike me, Cho wasted no time on getting Harry out on the dance floor.

I took the time to study them. Harry really did look happy with her. It was times like these I felt guilty. For so many years of his life, Harry had to live with the fear of Voldemort constantly on his mind. And now that he is free of that, who am I to steal that happiness away from him?

I sighed and pushed a stray lock of hair out of my face. Maybe I should just let him go. He's happy and I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I love him so much, and I know that will never change, but I have to. I owe it to him, and to Brian. Brian gave me a chance when Harry wouldn't. Brian loves me for who I am, and I should return that love as much as I can. Maybe someday I will muster up the courage to tell Harry. But by then I plan to have fully gotten over him. I'm done wasting my time on someone who obviously does not give an inkling of a thought about me. I'm done crying over a guy who never even gave me something to really cry about in the first place.

My mum always told me, "Never cry over someone who will not cry over you." Well mum, I plan to do just that. Things are definitely going to be different from now on… I promise.

I sighed once again. I turned my gaze away from "them" and looked down at the table. Before my mind could wander off again, Brian returned with the drinks.

"Thanks," I said huskily.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked my softly, placing a gentle hand atop mine.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking," I replied absent-mindedly.

"About what?" he asked, concern written across his handsome face.

"Oh- um… nothing really, just-

"Hey, why aren't you two… oh."

I turned my head quickly and saw Harry and Cho had approached our table.

"Sorry," Harry muttered quietly.

Perfect timing, Harry. I breathed a sigh of relief, all the while praying that Brian would not bring up that particular subject again later.

"Its okay, Harry. Are you up for a dance now, Hermione?" Brian asked me, turning his attention back to me.

"Sure," I answered, hoping to keep his mind off our earlier topic of conversation.

Brian and I stood up from our table and made our way to the dance floor. Harry and Cho replaced our spots at the table, obviously taking a break from dancing.

I had never been a great dancer, but with Brian's help it went smoothly. I was having a great time with a man who loved me. I should be happy. I am happy, scratch that last thought. I am happy, and it's not because of Harry. Not even he was going to stop me this time.

"You're history, Harry."

"What was that, Hermione?"

Damn, did I say that out loud?

"Nothing Brian, absolutely nothing," I replied convincingly, giving him my best smile.

I don't need you anymore, Harry. Those times are over. You had your chance. Eleven damn years, Harry. I waited for you eleven years. I can't live like this anymore. I love you, Harry I really do, but I can't sit around and wait for you forever. Maybe someday I will tell you how I once felt. Maybe you will laugh; maybe you will wonder why I didn't say something sooner. But as of right now… I'm fed up with feeling this way. I'm sick of the heartache of never being good enough for you. I've found someone who loves me for who I am, and I'm not letting that slip away from me.

_"Goodbye, Harry."_

And in a sense, it really was goodbye.


	4. Since You Been Gone

_**A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry for not updating in…oh six months! I hope you all have it in your hearts to forgive me. But now, I have more free time on my hands and should be updating quicker. Anything has to be better than what is has been, right? Well…as I promised, the third chapter!**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing associated to Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form. All belongs to J.K. Rowling as we all know.**_

Chapter 3

Since You Been Gone

"_But since you been gone_

_I can breathe for the first time_

_I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah_

_Thanks to you, now I get what I want."_

_("Since You Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson)_

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Harry…really."

It had been going on for a month now. Harry would constantly ask me the same question over and over again. It was almost as if he was waiting for me to say no, or blow up at him. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated his concern, but I honestly wished he would stop nagging me!

I can't blame the bloke, though. Ever since that night at the club, when I vowed to let him go, I had avoided him at all costs. The atmosphere in the flat was no longer calm and peaceful. The tension was so thick it could smother you. Regardless, I had kept true to my word and was beginning, albeit slowly, to let him go. I felt a pang of guilt every time Harry tried to start up a conversation and I would blow him off like it was nothing. But for now, I knew that I needed to distance myself from him if I was ever going to recover.

For the last month, I had thrown everything I had into my relationship with Brian. We went out as much as possible, and every break from work was spent with him. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy just being who I was. I no longer felt the need to impress someone constantly, because I knew Brian would love me no matter what I looked like or did. I no longer felt guilty when we kissed, and I rarely envisioned emerald green instead of piercing blue when we locked eyes. I love Brian with all my heart…

"Hermione?"

"For Merlin's sake, Harry!" I snapped angrily, quite peeved for being shaken from my silent reverie. "I'm fine, okay? Honestly! There's absolutely nothing wrong with me!"

I could see the hurt look in his eyes, but right now I was having a hard time caring.

"Oh, um… I was just going to tell you Brian wants to speak with you." He gestured to the cordless phone in his hand.

I stood up from my position on the couch and angrily took the phone from him. "Hello?" I said in the sweetest voice I could muster. I shot Harry a dirty look, so he quickly left the room, but not without shooting me one last, hurt look. One that pierced my soul… and I felt my heart go out to him.

I gulped and answered Brian who had been trying to get my attention for the last minute and a half. "Sorry," I mumbled, while taking my seat back on the couch.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" I could the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine," I said absent-mindedly. What is it with men and that bloody question?

"Well, I was calling to ask if you, Harry, and Ron wanted to go somewhere this Friday night." His voice was laced with excitement.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked with amusement.

Brian coughed and then said, "Oh…nothing, really. I had a great day at work and now I'm talking to my favorite person in the world. I can't help but be happy."

"You really know how to make a girl swoon," I replied sarcastically.

"But you love me anyway," he said in his most irresistibly cute voice.

"Yeah… I do," I said somewhat dreamily, while twirling a lock of hair around my finger.

"Well, you yet have an answer to give me."

I snapped back to reality and pondered about the decision at hand. Maybe I could convince him to a dinner with just him and me? "Brian…" I pouted. "Why can't it just be me and you?"

"Because I haven't seen the guys lately and it would be nice if we could all have fun together. They can bring their dates of course."

Dates? That means Cho. God knows that will only lead to trouble. But he seems really excited about it.

"Okay," I agree, though reluctantly. In the background I hear Brian breathe a sigh of relief.

"Good, good," he replies. "I guess I'll talk to you later then. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hear the click on the other line and I let out a sigh. I put down the phone and was about to lay my head down for a rest when I heard a door creak open and I see Harry's frame emerge. He walks slowly into the living room and takes a seat on the armchair furthest from the couch.

"_I don't blame him," I think miserably._

"Has hurricane Hermione subsided?" he asks timidly, with no trace of humor in his voice or amusement dancing across his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh… I just-

"Just what, Hermione? For the past month, you've been avoiding me like the plague! Don't think I haven't noticed. For Merlin's sake, Hermione! You never talk to me anymore, you won't go in a fifty foot radius of me, you don't even look me in the eye anymore!"

I jerk my head up from staring intently at the floor and I feel a blush creep up my cheeks. "I'm sorry, honestly I am. I've just been really preoccupied lately." I was lying…and he knew it.

"Bullshit, Hermione! That's bullshit and you know it! Was it something I did, did I say something to make you avoid me? Why can't you tell me the truth?" At this point he was on his feet, while I sat with my head in my hands like an ashamed little child who was getting punished for trying to steal cookies before dinner without his mother knowing.

"I, I… I just can't, Harry," I said softly, a lone tear running down my cheek.

"What happened, Hermione? Not even a month ago we were laughing and talking and having a good time like we always have. I'm not mad at you, Hermione. I'm just really confused and I want my best friend back." He said the last part so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear him.

"You never lost her…" I whispered. I looked up into his eyes for the first time that night and saw the same emotion dancing across them that was present that evening in my room. I found I couldn't tear my gaze away no matter how hard I tried, and I noticed he was walking toward me.

"Ha- Harry?" I tried desperately to get his attention, but he just kept coming closer. I was getting scared, and I had no idea how to get away. I stood up from the couch and was about to walk away when he grabbed my arm and titled my chin up to look him in the face.

"Hermione…"

My breath was coming in pants now and I had no idea what to do or what the hell was happening. I knew I needed to get out of this situation, but my feet were rooted to the spot.

A pop came from the kitchen and Ron's voice seemed to bring Harry back to reality. I quickly moved around him and made my way to my bedroom. I took one last look back at Harry and saw his eyes were on me as well. With a finalizing slam, I closed my door.

_What the hell just happened?_


End file.
